"Mama"

It's got to be the sweetest sound in the world. And my little guy started saying it this week...probably Tuesday or Wednesday? (Don't ask someone this sleep deprived to remember ALL the details, please!) I'm convinced he knows what it means, and that it applies to me. It really helps get me through those "sadistic baby" episodes, where he's screaming, pulling my hair, ripping my glasses off my face, and pinching my arm. And it really makes those moments when he's asleep in my arms more real. I have a living, breathing, TALKING baby. He's mine.

Just call me Bridget....

I just figured out how to put into words how I feel as a mother. I said it in a message to a friend of mine tonight and thought I'd post it.

I often feel like I'm the Bridget Jones of motherhood....awkwardly working my way through, arsing things up more often than not, and constantly sticking my foot in my mouth and looking like an idiot. The physical similarities are there too. We're both overweight (though me more so than "Bridget"....I'd KILL to weigh what Renee Zellweger weighed while filming that movie), wear clothes that cling in all the wrong places (though I do have a baby to help show off my ample cleavage by pulling down the neck of all my tops), have limp hair (no matter how much I TRY to find a decent style), and we're both just generally uncomfortable in our own skin.

I really hope the Bridget Jones author comes out with another sequel about Bridget becoming a mother. I'd LOVE to see that. It would really make me feel better.

Here a prick, there a prick, everywhere a prick prick...

Please excuse the title of this post. I'm incredibly tired, and very much lacking in creativity right now. We took Jesse for allergy testing today. The doc's name is Dr. Kamra (not sure on the spelling at the moment). She took a history, and we told her of the three reactions he's had. Then she got herself set up. She did a skin-prick allergy test. She tested him for allergies to bananas, watermelon, oatmeal and penicillin (the 4 things that he was possibly allergic to). She also tested him for allergies to latex, kiwi, barley, rice, fish, peanuts and a few other things. I think there were 9 pricks on his left arm and 16 on his right. Poor little bugger. He did really well though. Steve distracted him, and so he barely noticed what was going on. He noticed when Dr. Kamra did an intradermal penicillin injection. He screamed through that one. When she read the reactions, his only allergies (of those tested) were to penicillin and barley. That's a bit perplexing. But I've heard that sometimes different grains can be cross-contaminated in the packaging process. Then we had to take him for blood work. To be honest, I can't even remember exactly what they're testing. I can't believe I didn't ask. And I didn't even look at the requisition to see what was written on it, since Steve was the one who took it. I know she's doing a CBC. (I asked her to check his hemoglobin.) I guess I'll just have to wait til our follow up visit. She also gave us a script for 1% hydrocortisone cream since his poor little body is covered with eczema. She wants to see him again in September or October.

In the meantime, Jesse had a really bad reaction to bananas. I don't know what that was about. I'm hoping he doesn't have any more reactions. I'm going to wait a bit before starting anything new with him again though. I want his tummy to recover from that round of antibiotics first. Perhaps that could be why he reacted to the oatmeal.

Oh, and then we went to the Janeway for his blood work. NOT FUN! The phlebotomist was quite contrary, and did a lot of digging around with the butterfly needle before finding a vein. Steve had to hold back from clocking her. Jesse screeched through it. The paper on the examination table was soaked with his tears when they were done. I'm just glad it's over and done with. And I'd like to never have to do that again.

HE SLEPT!!!!!!!!

Holy freaking God! My son actually SLEPT last night! I mean, for more than an hour at a time! He fell asleep lying next to me in bed last night around 9 PM. When I was sure he was asleep, I put him in his crib and left the room, closing the door quietly behind me. I went downstairs, turned on the baby monitor, and settled in to watch the second last show of "So You Think You Can Dance." (I always dreamed of being a professional dancer, but never had a chance, so I live vicariously through this show.....it's sad, I know.) Jesse didn't wake until 12:30. Yep, you got that right. That's 3 1/2 hours of sleep. I nursed him back to sleep after that, but he woke up shortly after putting him back down in his crib. Steve tried a couple time to get him back down, but it didn't work. At around 2 am I just gave up and took him in the bed with us and nursed him and he did eventually go back to sleep. I woke up a couple of times after that, and Jesse was STILL sleeping. Crazy. Then, at 5:30 am, the child woke up. He nursed, and then WENT BACK TO SLEEP AGAIN! For another 2 hours! I couldn't believe it! For some reason, Steve felt like crap when he woke up, and thought it was a horrible night. But for me, it was heavenly! I felt more rested when I got up this morning than I have in over a month!

I am NOT, however, expecting a repeat performance tonight. I'm not that naive anymore.

Why I Breastfeed....

In honour of World Breastfeeding Week, August 1-7, 2008, I decided to make a post on breastfeeding. I don't remember how old I was when I decided that I would breastfeed my children, but I can't remember ever NOT knowing I would. Maybe it was because I was breastfed, and my brother was breastfed, and I have an aunt who breastfed both her children into their toddler years. It was just NORMAL in our family to breastfeed, or at least give it a go. My education certainly solidified my resolve to breastfeed. During my behavioural neuroscience degree I took several courses in child developement and developmental psychology. Then I completed my nursing degree. I just couldn't ignore what I felt were the risks of formula feeding. Anywho, here are the reasons I breastfeed:

Formula feeding
-is expensive
-is time consuming
-is wasteful
-is less easily digested by a child's gut
-puts the child at risk from contaminents during the manufacturing process
-increases the risk of infection in the child
-increases the risk of obesity in the child
-increases the risk of the child developing allergies
-increases the risk of developing numerous illnesses in the child, including cancer
-increases the risk of ovarian and breast cancers in the mom

Breastfeeding
-is the biologic norm (human milk is designed for human babies)
-is quick and easy (even though there is often a sharp learning curve in the beginning)
-protects children from illness
-releases hormones that help the mom and child de-stress
-helps mom and baby connect with each other

And perhaps the reason to breastfeed that struck me as incredibly important, but isn't talked about enough, is the overwhelming sense of empowerment and accomplishment that you feel when you look at your baby and know that he or she is THRIVING because of you. I've felt it to some degree at numerous times throughout Jesse's life, but around about 5 months, I looked down at Jesse as he was feeding and just got so overwhelmed that I started crying. I looked at my beautiful, happy, healthy, perfect baby boy, and thought, "I DID THAT." It very much feels like an extension of pregnancy, whereby my body continues to grow my child. It amazes me.

























Sure, breastfeeding isn't always easy. I know that from experience. It was probably on Jesse's 6th day of life that I knew I was in trouble. My nipples were horribly cracked and the pain was so bad that I'd start crying when Jesse would get hungry. I had to breathe through the first few minute of each feeding as if I were in labour, just so I could relax enough for my milk to let down. I'll tell you right now that it didn't feel very "natural." But I was absolutely committed to breastfeeding. Formula wasn't an option for me, unless it became necesary for Jesse's health. So I called my public health nurse and asked her to come see us. We worked out a plan and 2 weeks later, my nipples had healed, and Jesse was nursing like a champ. There was no more pain. Just joy. Had I not had the full support of my husband and my family though, I'm not sure we would have made it through. I'd like to think we would have, but I just don't know.

Why am I sharing all this? It's not because I want to pressure people who don't want to breastfeed into breastfeeding. I've long given up the dream that every child on earth will be breastfed. I'm a bit more realistic these day. I'm sharing this because it's part of how I parent my child, it's part of my life, my identity. And maybe someone who reads this will learn something they didn't know. Maybe someone who wants to breastfeed will be encouraged to give it a go. One of these days I'd love to become an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) and help people overcome obstacles in their breastfeeding relationships. For the time being though, I'm going to be doing a breastfeeding course in order to become a DONA certified doula, and maybe even work towards becoming a La Leche League leader. I want to do everything I can to help those moms who DO want to breastfeed.